21 Funny Quotes About Moms And Motherhood

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Mom with child

Being a mom is tough, but some of these funny quotes about moms and motherhood you won’t help but relate to are sure to give you a good and hearty laugh. It’s not Mother’s Day yet but, hey, every day deserves to be a day for appreciating and paying due attention to moms if you ask me! So enjoy the quotes below:

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
— Phyllis Diller

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
— Buddy Hackett

“No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.”
— Florida Scott-Maxwell

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
— Erma Bombeck

“If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?”
— Milton Berle

“I know how to do anything—I’m a mom.”
— Roseanne Barr

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.”
— Chinese Proverb

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.”
― Lisa Alther

“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
― Tenneva Jordan

“My mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.”
― Woody Allen

“Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.”
― Jay Leno

“If you were to open up a baby’s head―and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should―you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.”
― Dave Barry

“If you like people who do stupid shit all the time, become a parent.”
― Kelly Oxford

“It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want, like a bottle of wine, out of macaroni and glue.”
― Stephanie McMaster

“Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”
― Tina Fey

“Did you know, when kids go to bed, you can hear yourself think again? I sound fabulous.”
― Paige Kellerman

“You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘This is impossible―Oh, this is impossible.’ And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.”
― Tina Fey

“The phrase “working mother” is redundant.”
― Jane Sellman

“The interesting thing about being a mother is that everyone wants pets, but no one but me cleans the kitty litter.”
– Meryl Streep

“My mother buried three husbands – and two of them were only napping.”
– Rita Rudner

Photo by Lutz-R. Frank / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

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